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 11/4/97 |
EEK! Ever been blindsided by a realization? Something you'd grown accustomed to, maybe even enjoyed, and then realized that it was much more important to you than you'd previously thought? Such was the case with a relationship that began online and stretched into real space, between myself and a girl named Tiffany. :) Unfortunately, as is the case with all good things I touch, it came to a definate end, and it wasn't a pretty end. Still, it was nice while it lasted. | ||
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 8/29/97 |
This is an illustration of the principle taught in 1 Timothy 5:2 when the author says to treat the younger women in the church as "sisters in all purity." I've taken that as a challenge for dating. Under the advice to not be "yoked together with unbelievers" (2 Corinthians 6:14) the only women I should be dating are Christians. And when I'm dating them, as well as when I'm not, I should treat them as sisters. The emphasis placed on all purity should not be overlooked. Ephesians 5:25 says, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." Dating, to some degree, is a test-run at marriage, therefor, it should be bound by the rules of marriage, this being the greatest. Christ loved the church enough to die for her, what small sacrifice is mine compared to that? To sacrifice passionate kissing, petting, or even the ancient "yawn maneuver" in a movie is nothing compared to the sacrifice He gave for us. Um...yeah, much easier said than done, I'm afraid to admit, tho. :P (Also found in the Miscellaneous page.) | ||
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 9/13/97 |
"Infinate Love For Me?" It's a question I just can't seem to face up to. It's a recent addition to my art, especially my poetry, but not new to my quagmire of a mind. I've probably been questioning Agape (The greek for unconditional love) ever since I've heard that it was out there, and availiable to me. Agape is a nice thing to think of between husband and wife, father and son, but it's not in either of those places that it exists. In fact, it's quite impossible for a human to give agape love on this planet, without help. And even then, it's only part of the time, it's full acceptance most of the time, which translates to partial acceptance. True, it's a heck of a lot better than no acceptance or conditional acceptance, but it's not Agape. True Agape requires infinate patience, a quality that's very uncommon on this world, and always quite finite. So you have to go to a source away from this world to see genuine Agape. That's what came to this mudball in a humble manger, called to it's chosen people, and when they would not accept him, stretched out it's arms to embrace a new, larger flock. And that's what rose on the third day, offering a hope that never had founding before. And Agape lives and loves today, it loves you, and despite all my denial, it loves me. Agape's embodiment is Jesus Christ. | ||
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 8/24/97 |
The focus of this sketch is of course the candles. They signify different aspects of my life. The green one, burning with the small flame is growth...a rather slow process in my life, yet one that still takes place. The tall white one with the big flame is my spiritual life. I was at camp at the time, on a spiritual plateau, and if you've ever been on a spiritual plateau, you know they're very difficult to sustain. But at the time this was drawn, my zeal was rather high. The red, smouldering candle is my romantic life. (see the heart below it?) At the time, it was looking rather grim. Like I had to sacrifice it for the other two to burn...and that's probably true...maybe not healthy, but true. :P | ||
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 6/13/98 |
Here's a classic shot, two aspects of mine struggling against one another. A very common feeling for me, I assure you. :P Here, my physical self is trying to jump off a cliff, which one, I'm not quite sure...I've got so many of them in my life. Self destructive tendancies can get really annoying after a while, ya know? :P My spiritual side, the stronger and wiser of the two, is of course, holding him back, saving me from the abrupt stop at the bottom. :P The halberd is an old weapon...one I used to use, and it just seemed appropriate here. Note the eye in the upper right corner, and how the hair forms a tear...just a glimpse of how this struggle hurts me...and those who care about me. | ||
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 7/3/97 |
See what thinking gets me? :P I was pondering...as this sketch illustrates, male/female relationships...particularilly, my own. :P And what I was thinking, as shown by the tear on my face, was not all that promising. I look at myself and I see someone who, despite the obvious good traits, is broken. Just broken. Not working right...and he's someone who doesn't deserve to have a long-term relationship, in fact, that'd be a travesty...forcing my problems on some poor woman who eventually will hate me as much as I hate myself. *sigh* That's what I thought...at the time I sketched this. I'm working on myself right now, tho...changing my self-destructive mindset, trying to look for the good things in me, and hopefully, choking out the bad thoughts. Hopefully...so there might be a sequel to this sketch sometime down the road. :) A happier sequel. | ||
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 10/1/97 |
Here I am...at a rather pivotal juncture...probably one that has changed my life quite a bit over time... I dropped two of my symbols. Just let them go. The sword is the symbol I use for my warrior-priest aspect...And I wasn't feeling particularilly priestly. The jester's staff is, naturally, the symbol of my foolish side. I get quite sick of playing the fool constantly...people have a tendancy to lock me into that role after a bit...I suppose the logic being that if I'm the fool, they don't have to be. :P I also make people rather happy when I'm joking around and being silly. But I cast them both off. And that left somewhat of a void...not knowing exactly how I should act...so I've just been trying to be me...not a strong warrior of faith, and not a jibbering fool...just me. And I'm not exactly sure who that is...guess it'll be an adventure, eh? :) | ||
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 Sept 1994 |
This is me, as an angel that's mildly peeved...it's still a defensive stance, tho...even though I get angry, I still tend to be strongest in defense. Yelling, of course, is a temptation to your enemy to bring the fight to your own ground, and, I suppose the fight is now on my turf. :( *sigh* The fight is within me, maybe it always was...now, the only problem is...who's the foe? Methinks it's me, DOH! :P (Also found on the Soul page.) | ||
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 7/11/96 |
This is me, the warrior, shortly after I realized my sword might not be broken, it just might not be fully visible. I used to use this technique all the time...smudging around something and then erasing the smudge to create a halo effect...I thought it worked rather well for the blade. Of course, it doesn't scan all that well, so I had to embellish it a bit in the computer...I kinda like the effect, tho. :) The sword is a symbol of spiritual power, based on the Sword of the Spirit, or the Word of God...a tool I haven't used as much as I should be...but it's still there for me...that's grace. :) | ||
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May 1994 |
This is a sketch to remind me of one of the most vivid dreams I've ever had. It was a chase dream, one where you're running away but you don't know why. Just that you -REALLY- don't want to get caught. I was afraid, but I wanted to strike back, so as I finished climing up an elevator access ladder, I set a bomb for whatever it was that was chasing me. I gave it an timed fuse, and started my watch as I started the bomb. Then I ran through the access door, and realized where I was. I was in a hospital, and this floor was the maternity ward. There were women with babies all over, enjoying their new children, unaware that I'd just set a bomb...and I ran. I was scared, I was horrified, but I was numb...so I ran...I slid down an elevator cable to the basement, where I found my family waiting. I hurried them out of the building, and right as we got out, the bomb went off. It didn't just vaporize the maternity ward, it ejected it...the whole room came flying out the side of the building and crashed down to the ground in front of us. I was walking like a zombie, and my dad was poking through the rubble, saying "look at this" or, "wow, you can see how this works..." I was totally disgusted, but I couldn't do anything...couldn't run, couldn't help these poor people, couldn't tell my dad to stop rubbing it in... That's the dream, and it has major psychological signifigance...but that's for me to ponder and you to gossip about. :P (Also found on the Miscellaneous page.) | ||
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March 1995 |
I had a strong feeling of spiritual weakness. Breastplate of Righteousness, and I wasn't feeling too righteous. It's a rather quick sketch, but it caught the mood...being a bit surprised as my armour crumbles in my hands...and I look in to see...nothing. Not the most positive picture here. :P | ||
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Dec 1997 |
Love's Fool...it's a role I play quite often, actually. *sigh* And a truth about me that I'd like to forget. I...don't know what love is, I suppose. I don't know that I ever have. I have ideals, visions of true love, but it's not something I have...not something I can give. At least, it doesn't seem to be. If you've ever wondered why I'm bummed or confused, it's probably because of his lovely quandry. Love is what I want, what I crave, and what I can't have. It is a problem I lament often...and it's a circle I can't seem to break into...to know love, you must love, and I can't love, because I don't know love. *GRR* It brings to mind a statement I hear repeated often..."You can't love someone else until you love yourself." In which case, I'm down the creek w/o a paddle. :( (Also found on the Jester page.) | ||
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My Soul |
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